Marvellous Melbourne?

The scene: BBI kitchen

Me (wrestling with bin lid and banging it suddenly): sorry!
Scary woman: Oh I’m amazed that you don’t have one of those things that hold the lid up – they all do in Adelaide.
Me: Righty-o!
Scary woman: …it’s a very backwards town, Melbourne. You don’t have anything that we do in Adelaide. There’s things we’ve been doing over there for 30 years that you don’t do here!
Me: Sorry to alarm you like that…
Scary woman: (gesturing to BBI). I mean, you’re ahead with fashion and art and all that, but environmental…you’re very backwards.
Me: Um.
Scary woman: I’ve lived in Adelaide for 56 years. Been here for three.
Me: I was born here.
Scary woman: You wouldn’t know. I don’t like it. Melbourne’s a dodgy, dodgy town. Very dirty, nasty.
Me: Perhaps you should move back home then.

(beats a hasty retreat)

-BBI kitchen, Brunswick